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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677028">Things You Said</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songficcer/pseuds/Songficcer'>Songficcer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, F/F, It's gonna be all over the place</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:34:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songficcer/pseuds/Songficcer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Working off the 'Things you said' prompts from tumblr.</p><p>Current Status: On Hiatus.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kino Makoto/Mizuno Ami</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Things you said that I wish you hadn't</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ok, let's get started! And the best way to start is with angst!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hurts. It hurts <em>so</em> much.</p><p>"This isn't working," you said softly. "I think we should--"</p><p>"Don't,"  I remember saying, cutting you off.</p><p>Don't <em>what </em>exactly? You didn't want to be with me. You didn't want there to be an <em>us </em>anymore. Why would I force you to stay if you didn't want to? It wouldn't be fair.</p><p>It hurts <em>so fucking much</em>. </p><p>I just... look at you. My chest is tight, my eyes sting, my throat burning from the emotion of it all.</p><p>I had seen this coming. I had. You are an overly affectionate person. You love to touch people. You <em>crave</em> it. You hadn't been lately. You had started pulling away. But only with me. Not with the others.</p><p>"I want a family," you whispered. "We can't..."</p><p><em>We </em>is what you said. <em>You </em>is what you meant. As in, "<em>You can't give me children.</em>"</p><p>You are right, of course. Both of us being women, I can't give you children. None of our own.</p><p>But that wasn't all of it. You had a problem with us in public. Almost ashamed we were together. It had strained the relationship. I wanted to sing about us on the tallest structure in Tokyo; you had wanted to hide.</p><p>You look at me and I just want to cry. Your heart is breaking as much as mine. Doesn't make this any easier, though.</p><p>I don't know how long we stood in the entry way of my apartment. Time seemed to dilate. Time seemed to contract. </p><p>And then you were gone, shutting my apartment door softly. </p><p>No angry words.</p><p>No shouting.</p><p>We ended just as softly as we had begun.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Working off a prompt list for this. There are 60 of these. Let's see how far I get...</p><p>ALSO. I'm over on tumblr if you guys wanna pester me (please pester me, I'm lonely). I don't make many of my own posts but I reblog Sailor Moon, Gelphie, Mass Effect, She-Ra and other gay shit y'all might enjoy:  https://songficcer.tumblr.com/</p><p>Also...haven't forgotten about 'That Summer.' I'm just kinda... stuck. Hence the prompts. And a delicious tidbit about this chapter: it's based on a story that I will not write where Mako and Ami date and well...this would have been the ending to the story. The short version of it anyway. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Things You Said At 4am</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I love you."</p><p>"...What?"</p><p>I heard you take a deep breath, let it out. Even on the phone I could see the determined look on your face, the way you would clench your jaw.</p><p>"I said--"</p><p>"I heard what you said."</p><p>A chuckle. "Then why did you ask what I said?"</p><p>"Because..." I trail off. Why did I ask?</p><p>You hummed quietly on the other end of the phone. You're waiting. Patiently. You know words don't come easy for me.</p><p>"Because," I say again. Finally. "I don't know why I asked, okay?" I'm flustered, but happily so.</p><p>You chuckle again. I hear a rustle as you move; you're probably rolling over in bed. It <em>is</em> late, after all. Or is it early?</p><p>We're quiet for a while, just listening to the other softly breathe. I clear my throat.</p><p>"So. Love, huh?" I'm so eloquent when I haven't slept.</p><p>Another laugh. "Yes, Ami. Love."</p><p>"Okay then."</p><p>"Just okay?" You're amused. And I grin wide.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Okay then."</p><p>"Mm. Mako-chan?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p>At least there's no hives this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Things You Said Before You Kissed Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>These will be bouncing between Ami's and Mako's POVs. Hopefully you guys can tell as I probably won't come right out and say in all of them. Hope you guys are enjoying so far!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had read... <em>so many </em>romance novels. It was a guilty pleasure and my friends, good people that they are, teased me about it. But, thankfully, in no way that would actually discourage me from doing so.</p><p>But yes. Romance novels. First kisses. I was an expert. An expert with no experience, but an expert nonetheless. </p><p>There was the slow build up of the romance itself. Then, eventually, the long but somehow quick confession. An entire speech on their love for the other person. On why it was wrong. Why it was right. It was something I, secretly, wished for.</p><p>Our first kiss had none of it.</p><p>There was the slow buildup. Literal <em>years</em> of it. Of dancing around it. Of getting so so so tantalizingly close and then...a quick back step. We were still always so close to it. I can see that now. But we backed away before the pressure of it could crush us.</p><p>It must have drove our friends mad. Because <em>of course</em> they saw it and they <em>of course</em> waited for it to happen, just like we did.</p><p>And then it finally, <em>finally</em> happened.</p><p>But there was no confession. No proclamation. </p><p>We were at your apartment, watching a movie. But we weren't paying attention. You didn't own many movies; you couldn't afford them. And there was nothing we had wanted to rent, either. So we settled on an old favorite and of course we spent more time talking to each other rather than watch a film we had seen a dozen times.</p><p>And then, you kissed me.</p><p>I don't even know what happened.</p><p>One moment I was facing the tv. The next I was kissing you. Actually, <em>you</em> kissed <em>me</em>. But let's be honest, I was a willing participant. </p><p>So very willing. And so very very happy.</p><p>No. There were no speeches. You said not a word. And it was the most perfect thing to have ever happen to me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Things You Said While You Were Crying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"It's just so <em>sad</em>."</p><p>You were sobbing on the couch. I sat next to you. And as much as I love you, it took everything I had no to roll my eyes.</p><p>"Don't you think it's sad, Mako," you asked, blowing your nose into a tissue. You sniffle and look up at me. Your eyes are shining with tears that had yet to spill down your face. I sigh.</p><p>"It's a car commercial, Ami," I say, keeping the whine out of my voice. You sniffle again and I rub my face with my hands. Is it over yet?</p><p>"I love you," I say, "but the next kid we have, I'm carrying it."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Things You Said With Too Many Miles Between Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the lack of uploads. My computer restarted and erased an entire damn chapter I was working on and I sorta raged quit lol It'll be a while before I touch that specific prompt cause I keep getting angry about it lol Anyway, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You're up late."</p><p>"I don't work today," I replied, shifting around in bed. "Thought I'd give my favorite person a call."</p><p>"You need to sleep, Mako-chan." I can hear the smile in your voice, even over the static of a phone.</p><p>"How's England?"</p><p>"Boring without you guys." A pause. "Bit lonely without you."</p><p>"Just a bit," I tease.</p><p>"Just a bit." You're still smiling. Probably blushing by this point, too.</p><p>"It's only three more years. You'll be fine."</p><p>A huff. "I'll be home for summer break, ya know."</p><p>I chuckle. "I know."</p><p>We're silent for a while, just listening to the other breathe. Pretending the other is with us. That's what I'm imagining, anyway.</p><p>"I really do miss you," you finally say. "It... gets harder every semester that I have to leave." It's a quiet confession, almost heartbreakingly so. </p><p>"I miss you, too," I say back. Really, we should be used to this by now. <em>I</em> should be used to this by now.  I often believe myself to not be the love sick girl I was in middle school. But with Ami, I find that I am still that girl and more. </p><p>"Three more years, right?" You sound hopeful, like medical school will drop more semesters on you at the last minute.</p><p>"Right," I respond. "Then you can come home, <em>stay</em> home, and do your residency. And become the best doctor ever."</p><p>"Hardly doubt I'll be the best," you reply. You're smiling again.</p><p>"<em>The</em> best." You giggle.</p><p>"I love you, Mako-chan."</p><p>"I love you, too, Ami. More and more each day."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Things You Said On The Streetcar At 1 Am</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The street car lurched into motion moments after we boarded and sat down. You groaned, face in your hands. "I can already feel the hang over."</p><p>I hold in my giggle. Barely. "You did drink a lot."</p><p>"Nng. Why didn't you stop me?"<br/><br/>I give you a flat look. "Kino Makoto, you are a grown woman and I am not your keeper."</p><p>You chuckle and peek out between your fingers. I can see the smirk, even with it half hidden in your hands. "That's not what our friends think."</p><p>I feel my face flush. Ears burning, I retort, "What our friends think is irrelevant."</p><p>You lean back and laugh. And then groan, your hands covering your face again. "Oh my god, I think I'm legit dying."</p><p>"You're not dying," I say, sighing at your theatrics. "Just very drunk." Noting there are no other passengers, I move closer to you. Our hips touching, I lift my left arm in invitation. It takes you a moment to notice but when you do, you lean against me and rest your head on my shoulder.</p><p>We're quiet for a while. The street car stops at its designated stops but no one else gets on. Finally, you say, "You're very pretty in that dress, y'know."</p><p>Through sheer brute strength alone I hold back my smile. "You are wearing the same exact dress." Of course she was; us both, along with Minako and Rei, were bridesmaids in Usagi's wedding after all.</p><p>"Yeah, but you're prettier," you remark, smiling up at me. </p><p>"You've finally reached the sappy point of your drunkenness, I see."</p><p>You chuckle and close your eyes, snuggling closer, trusting me to take care of you. "You love me."</p><p>I smile, leaning my head against yours. "Yeah, I really do."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What will we do with a drunken sailor?<br/>What will we do with a drunken sailor?<br/>What will we do with a drunken sailor?<br/>Early in the morning!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Things You Said When We Were 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I can't believe it's over."</p><p>I smile. "It's hardly over."</p><p>You smile back, sinking further into the couch. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We still have college." I hear you sigh and turn towards you. </p><p>"Something wrong?"</p><p>You're fidgeting. We're still wearing our gowns from graduation and you're fiddling with the cap and tassel in your hands. "It just seems so...<em>daunting</em>."</p><p>I turn away and absentmindedly fuss with my cap, too. " You're right. After everything we've been through, you would think preparing for the rest of our lives wouldn't seem as big as it does."  </p><p>We're quiet for a while. After a long moment, I feel you press into my side. "Will we always be like this, Ami?"</p><p>You've dropped the honorific from my name. You've been doing that a lot lately, I've noticed. I wonder if you have. "Be like what, Mako-chan?"</p><p>I feel you fidget again and I look up at you. You're blushing and staring very resolutely at the cap in your hands. "I dunno," you say softly.</p><p>I decide to swallow the lump in my throat and to take a chance. I wrap my arms around yours and lean my head against your shoulder. "If nothing else, Mako, we'll always have each other as friends."</p><p>I feel the weight of your head atop of mine. Your hand seeks mine and takes it, lacing our fingers together. Your palm is warm and that simple act is the most intimate we've ever been. I squeeze your fingers and you hum, happily I note. "As much as I love the others, I like the moments when it's just us," you admit. </p><p>I squeeze your arm. "Me, too."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Things You Said With My Lips On Your Neck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I..um..hmm..." You're stuttering. Good.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"<em>Dinner. I need to make dinner</em>." Your voice has risen, almost panicking. But I know better.</p><p>"Do you really <em>need</em> to," I ask, dotting kisses and bites along your throat.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>." Now you're whining so I <em>know</em> you don't want me to move from your lap.</p><p>"Mm, your hands on my ass would disagree," I reply before biting at your pulse point.</p><p>"Oh my god."</p><p>I pull back and smirk. "Yes?"</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...I kinda made Ami naughty. I do headcanon she would be this way if she were comfortable enough in a relationship. </p><p>Also, don't forget to check out my tumblr @Songficcer. Feel free to throw prompts you'd like me to fill my way!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Things You Didn't Say At All</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Remember the first chapter? That small snippet of a look of a story I probably won't write that ends in sadness for our duo? Yeah, this is another part of that. ANGST. ENJOY IT :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I tapped my foot as the elevator rose to the floor your apartment was on. Your place always felt so posh, especially compared to my meager apartment which wasn't much more than a single room.</p><p>I have to admit, I was surprised you agreed to meet up with me. I was serious when I said we could still be friends but I didn't think that would be something you'd be interested in. Socially, anyway. We still have our duties to Usagi and the future and I know no matter what, you wouldn't jeopardize that. But our breakup was...awkward.</p><p>I sigh thinking about it, leaning against the elevator wall. You didn't say much. Just one word. Even though I did the dumping, it broke my heart to see the pain in your eyes. It still does. And I mourn the relationship we had, both romantic and friendly. We don't have that now.</p><p>Which is why I was so happy to get your text agreeing to meet up! I near skip out of the elevator when it dings and as I walk to your door, I can't help but feel lighter. That maybe, maybe, after weeks of bitter silence we can start to heal our relationship. Because I do miss you. I miss you more than I realized I would.</p><p>I knock at your door and within moments your mother answers it. "Kino-san."</p><p>She looks surprised I'm here. I bow respectfully. "Mizuno-san. I'm here to see Ami...-chan." Should I add the honorific? I mean...your mother knew but...our relationship has changed. Again. I don't know. I make a note to ask you about it.</p><p>"Ami?" Again, surprise. "Ami isn't here."</p><p>Now <em>I'm</em> surprised. "What do you mean she isn't here? She asked me to stop by today."</p><p>Mizuno-san is quiet for a moment. Then, "Ami flew to England this morning. She was accepted to Oxford. She... she didn't tell you?"</p><p>I just stare Mizuno-san. Ami never mentioned being accepted to Oxford. Not to the others. Not to me. </p><p>And you invited me over here today <em>knowing</em> you wouldn't be here.</p><p>I smile at Mizuno-san and turn to leave without saying goodbye and after I moment I hear the door shut. I stumble down the hall as realization hits.</p><p>
  <em>You're really gone.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Things You Said As We Danced In Our Socks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I laugh as you twirl us around the living room. It's late, past midnight, and here we are, dancing in the middle of our living room. We just got back from a youma attack and the first thing you do is turn on some light music and ask me to dance. Of <em>course</em> I say yes. </p><p>Your face is pressed into my shoulder and I can feel the heat from your cheeks even through my night shirt. I drop a soft kiss onto your blue head as I hold you closer.</p><p>You look up at me and smile drowsily. We're both tired and our dancing is slowing. Eventually our dancing turns into slow swaying and just holding each other in the middle of the living room. My arms are crossed about your shoulders and yours are around my hips. Your head is on my shoulder again.</p><p>"We should go to bed," I say softly. It still sounds too loud in the quiet apartment.</p><p>"Mm, in a minute," you mumble. "I'm comfortable."</p><p>I chuckle. "We can be comfortable in bed." I squeeze your shoulders gently and nuzzle against your ear with my nose. "We can cuddle."</p><p>You giggle and pull away, rubbing your ear against your shoulder. "That tickles, Mako-chan."</p><p>"Come on," I say, taking your hand and tugging you toward our bedroom. "It's late."</p><p>You pout, actually<em> pout</em>, at me and tug me back into the living room and we begin to slowly dance (sway) to the music again. "In a minute."</p><p>I smile and indulge you, draping my arms back over your shoulders again. "What's gotten into you tonight?"</p><p>You hum, laying your head against my shoulder again and my arms tighten around you. "We haven't danced in a while. I've missed it."</p><p>I can feel my face heating up and bury it in your hair with a smile. "I love you."</p><p>You squeeze my waist. "I love you too, Mako-chan. Always."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Things You Said When You Met My Mother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I changed the title of the pompt to fit the characters better. The original title was "...when you met my parents."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I smile as I greet you at the door. "Hi, Mako-chan."</p><p>I can tell you're nervous but you attempt a smile anyway. "Hey." You flash a bouquet of flowers. "For your mom," you explain.</p><p>My smile grows as you enter the apartment. You're fidgeting a bit, even as you hang up your jacket and take your shoes off. "You didn't have to do that."</p><p>"I know," you reply. "But I want to make a good impression."</p><p>"It's not like she hasn't met you before," I whisper. "We're just...coming out...to my mother. As a couple." I can feel the previous anxiety from earlier in the day seeping into me again. Something must have shown on my face because I feel your fingers brushing my bangs back. My eyes focus and I see you smiling gently at me.</p><p>"It'll be okay. It's just dinner."</p><p>"It's just dinner," I repeat. "It's just--"</p><p>"Ami, dear, I'm sorry, but I have to leave." I look up just in time to see Mother brush past us and slip her shoes on.</p><p>"Leave," I ask quietly. </p><p>"I was just paged and have to go to the hospital," Mother explains. She grabs her jacket and slips it on. "I'm sorry, Ami." Mother finally realizes Mako-chan is here, too. "Please forgive me, Kino-san, I'm sure you understand."</p><p>"Oh, sure," you say. I can't tell if you're disappointed or relieved.</p><p>Mother smiles, grabs her keys and purse and is out the door, shutting it with a soft click. We both stare at it for moment. Then you turn to me, tapping the bouquet against your thigh. "Well." You chuckle nervously.</p><p>I just continue to stare at the door. Literal months of planning, of working myself up over this dinner and finally getting my mother to agree to it and... <em>she just leaves</em>.</p><p>I can feel my bottom lip trembling and I bite it to stop it. It only makes my eyes water to the point of my vision blurring and my throat begins to burn. I heave air into my lungs and my chest tightens. <em>I will not cry. I will not cry I will not cry.</em></p><p>I feel your oh so soft hands cup my face and I blink back the tears as I look up at you. Your thumbs brush under my eyes, stopping my tears before they can fall.</p><p>"It's okay," you whisper. "It'll be okay."</p><p>I take in another breath and it comes out as a sob. "She just left, Mako-chan. She <em>always</em> leaves, and and and--"</p><p>You kiss my cheek and hold me close, your arms tight around my arms. You press your face against mine and whisper again, "It's okay, Ami." You pull away just enough to look at me. "It's only dinner and we have time." </p><p>"I've taken so long already to tell her," wiping at my eyes with my sleeve.</p><p>"It's not a race, Ami," you reply, taking over wiping my tears away. "There's no set time in which you have to come out. <em>To anyone</em>. You can take your time with this."</p><p>I look at you for moment before pressing my face into your shoulder. You're right, of course.</p><p>You rub my back slowly and I finally bring my arms up to wrap around your waist and push myself closer to you.</p><p>"How about we order a pizza, yeah," you ask. I feel you kiss the top of my head. "I can stay the night, if you want."</p><p>I nod against your shoulder, my arms tightening around you. "I would like that."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Things You Said With No Space Between Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Our breath mingled as we lay pressed against each other, naked and flushed, arms tight around the other.</p><p>
  <em>Our first time.</em>
</p><p>Well, together anyway. I'm no virgin. And now, I guess, you're not either.</p><p>"Hi," you say softly.</p><p>I can't help the giddy smile that crosses my face. "Hi."</p><p>"Was I...okay," you ask in a whisper. Even in the dark your bright blue eyes are unsure.</p><p>My grin just grows. I bring my hand up and brush it back through your tousled hair. "Darling, you were <em>amazing</em>." </p><p>The smile on your face lights up the dark room and my own smile grows. You bury your face in my chest and I can <em>feel</em> your blush burning my skin. "You were amazing, too," you mumble into my flesh.</p><p>I wrap my arms tighter around you, trying to pull you even closer. My heart beats faster when you do the same, tangling your legs with mine even more. I feel your lips brush along my throat and my eyes drift close.</p><p>Round two it is.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Things You Said In A Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I laugh as you carry me into the hotel room. "I thought the groom was supposed to carry the bride over the threshold of their <em>home</em>?"</p><p>You chuckle and set me down just inside the door. Our senshi abilities grant us super strength but I am still bigger than you are.</p><p>As if remembering my question, you shrug with a smile. "I got impatient."</p><p>I smile and straighten your bow tie. "Mizuno Ami, impatient? Never thought I'd see the day."</p><p>You chuckle and reach up to grasp my hands. "Kino Ami," you respond, squeezing my hands.</p><p>I step forward and press my forehead against yours. "Kino Ami," I repeat. "You don't <em>have</em> to take my name, ya know."</p><p>You shrug, dropping my hands so you can wrap your arms around me instead, pulling me closer. "Your name means more to me than mine ever did."</p><p>You mean your father, of course.</p><p>I drape my arms over your shoulders and smile. "Well then, <em>Kino</em> Ami, how does it feel to finally be married?"</p><p>You lean up and kiss my chin. "To finally be married to the most beautiful woman in all of Japan? <em>Amazing</em>."</p><p>I can feel my ears burning beneath my veil. "Don't let Minako-chan catch you saying that."</p><p>You laugh and pull me closer. "I will shout it from the tallest point of Tokyo."</p><p>I feel giddy as I lean down and kiss you. "I love you."</p><p>"I love you, too, Mako."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I need to start spacing these out or the final prompts are all gonna be sad... lol Also, I am unsure if Ami's last name comes from her mother or father, so I'm going by Western custom and assuming it's from her father and her mother never changed her last name after the divorce.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Things You Said That Made Me Feel Real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A Silver Millennium one... ooohhhhh *waggles fingers* Part of an idea I have for a future story...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were very <em>imposing</em> when we first met. While we were all soldiers, most of us were still...dainty. Especially when compared to your large stature. Venus, Mars, and I, while combat ready, had yet to actually be in the field, fighting the youma that were beginning to terrorize the Kingdom.</p><p>You hadn't been in a fight with a youma at that point, either. But your bare arms sported nasty scars, deep and ugly. Although healed, they still looked painful.</p><p>At the time of our first meeting and for a long time afterward, you never spoke of how you got them. But we had been briefed on where the Queen and her soldiers and sages had found you: a slave in the Colosseum, forced to fight for your life from a very young age.</p><p>We knew of the Colosseum of course. Gladiators fighting for honor and money. It was a huge sport that everyone enjoyed, even the Royal Family. What had shocked me, however, was the slavery that was taking place within the kingdom. It had been outlawed hundreds of years ago. But you were living proof of the very dark dealings still happening within the most powerful and peaceful Kingdom in the galaxy. I was appalled. </p><p>You stood before the Queen, quiet, in between two soldiers. Venus, Mars, and I stood with the Princess off to the side. We were there to observe and eventually take you into our fold; finally a full team to protect our Kingdom and our Princess.</p><p>The Queen questioned you, asked where you originally came from. You gave short, brief answers. You told me later, much much later and in private, you saw your recruitment into the senshi as another form of slavery; that you didn't have a choice. I suppose that in a way, it was true. For all of us guardians.</p><p>But I saw my servitude as a way to give back to the galaxy; to protect it. You had called me naive, but I knew deep down, you felt the same way.</p><p>You didn't speak much to us after the audience with the Queen. You nodded, grunted, gave short answers to Venus's questions. <em>Very short answers</em>. You looked overwhelmed when we presented you with your own room. It wasn't something you were used to. You were used to a form of barracks and sharing a room with fifteen people, sometimes more and sleeping on a hard bed with a mattress made of flattened straw.</p><p>You didn't even tell us your name.</p><p>
  <em>Your name...</em>
</p><p>I remember when you finally told me your name. I was the only person you told. We, the senshi, often addressed each other by our soldier names and rarely did we use our civilian names unless it was a quiet moment, which were few and far between. But then you and had grown close over the first year and, unless with the others, never used our combat titles. Your gruff voice was so soft when you would whisper my name, either in passing or when we made love. I had been Mercury for so long that I had grown indifferent to my given name. I hadn't used it for years before you came along. And then you would say it so softly, like a prayer that wasn't meant for anyone but me. </p><p>Combat would get my pulse racing, but only you ever made me feel alive.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Things You Said When You Were Drunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You are <em>really</em> beautiful," you slur at me, just as I manage to open our apartment door.</p><p>"And you," I reply, gently pulling you inside and propping you up against the wall, "are drunk."</p><p>"Psh," you mumble, waving your hand to dismiss my remark. "It's my birthday, I'm allowed a few drinks."</p><p>I chuckle as I take off my shoes. I kneel down to untie yours. "You are allowed a few drinks." I smirk up at you. "You far exceeded that. Or did you forget how to count in your inebriated state, Mizuno-san?"</p><p>You smile down at me, your eyes drooping. I can't tell if you're trying to be seductive or trying to stay awake. "Blame Minako-chan. She kept forcing drinks into my hand."</p><p>I nod as I stand. "You're right on that one. But unlike Minako-chan, Ami, you cannot hold your liquor very well."</p><p>You push from the wall, swaying just a bit, a frown on your face. "I'm holding it just fine." You sound almost angry. Uh oh.</p><p>"I didn't mean it like that," I say, rubbing the back of my neck.</p><p>"Then what did you mean, Mako-chan," you ask as you push past me without waiting for my answer. You're swaying a bit as you head to our bedroom.</p><p>I follow close behind and almost eat the door as you shut it behind you. Sighing and after counting backwards from ten, I open the door and see you sitting on your side of the bed, farthest from the door. Your head is down and I see your hand reach for your face. My heart sinks. </p><p>I make my way around to your side of the bed and I see your drunk-dulled eyes shining with tears. "Baby, please don't cry," I whisper, kneeling at your feet. I bring my hands up and rest them on your knees. After a moment, you cover them with your own. "I'm sorry."</p><p>You bring you hand up and wipe at your eyes again. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten upset." Your voice is small and quiet.</p><p>"I shouldn't have teased you," I reply, bringing my hand up to brush my thumb under your eye.</p><p>We sit there for a while in the quiet. It's tense. I don't like it.</p><p>In the end, it's you who speaks first. "We should get ready for bed."</p><p>I look up at you for a moment. You still haven't looked at me and it hurts. But I nod and stand.</p><p>As I turn, I feel you press into my back, arms around my waist. I rest my hands along your arms and push back into you gently. "I love you, Mako-chan."</p><p>I smile, my fingers squeezing your arms gently. "I love you, too, Ami."</p><p>And I realize, we'll be okay.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Things You Said But Not Out Loud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another snippet from that very sad fanfic. At least I'm getting it out a little bit lol Also some homophobia for ya this chapter, yaaaaaaaaaay</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>"</em>Stupid dykes!"</p><p>We both froze for a moment before you hastily pulled your hand from mine.</p><p>
  <em>Say something, Mako. Anything. <strong>Please.</strong></em>
</p><p>I wanted you to make a scene. Almost needed you to. Just to prove to me you weren't ashamed of us. Of me.</p><p>But you didn't. You wouldn't. You were too used to people judging you and, even with all your bravery, you stood quiet. You couldn't handle the scrutiny. You wanted to be <em>normal</em>. And being with me, loving me, wasn't normal.</p><p>Except it was. <em>It is</em>. You just didn't want to stand out anymore. </p><p>I could understand it. Of course I did. You always stood out for your physical appearance. I stood out for my smarts, but that wasn't quite the same. People who didn't know me left me alone. You seemed to always be a target. </p><p>You started walking again, and it took me nearly jogging to keep up with your long stride.</p><p>You didn't say anything. </p><p>And neither did I.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Things You Said When You Asked Me To Marry You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay! I was out on a sick leave when I started this and I've since gone back to work so updates will be on Sundays-Tuesdays now! Also....I have two new stories in mind. I'd like your opinion: SilMil or Modern AU? They'll both be written eventually but I'd like to know what y'all would like to see first &lt;3 Feel free to leave your vote here in a comment or you can let me know on tumblr,  @Songficcer</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sighed, settling into the bed. I had a grin on my face and I opened my eyes to look up at the ceiling, my breathing finally evening out. My heart was still thudding in my chest, though.</p>
<p>I feel you move up the bed, pulling the sheet with you. You kiss my shoulder as you settle beside me and my smile grows. You lay your hand on my stomach and I close my eyes again.</p>
<p>"That was amazing," I whisper. Making love with you always is. But I feel the need to voice it from time to time, just to remind you of it.</p>
<p>You giggle softly and I feel your face turn into my shoulder, hiding. "Mako..."</p>
<p>I turn and kiss the top of your head. "What? You are absolutely amazing. Especially when you do that thing with your-"</p>
<p>"Marry me."</p>
<p>I stop and stare down at you.  You've lifted your head to look up at me, eyes wide like not even you believe what just came out of your mouth.</p>
<p>"Excuse me," I ask. I'm not upset you've asked. I've been expecting it, honestly. <em>Hoping</em> for it. I just can't believe you've finally asked.</p>
<p>"Why not," you say. </p>
<p>Oh. I said that last part out loud.</p>
<p>"I just..I wasn't expecting it, is all," I reply.</p>
<p>You narrow your eyes. "Oh, bullshit."</p>
<p>I can't help it; I laugh out loud. "I think we spend too much time together," I say in between laughs.</p>
<p>Your face lights up as you start laughing, too. You press your face into my shoulder again, your hand on my stomach snaking around my waist to hug me. "Never."</p>
<p>Oh, my stomach hurts from laughing and I can feel tears in my eyes. I reach up to wipe them away before they can fall, still chuckling. "Back to that marriage proposal idea of yours," I say with a smile.</p>
<p>You smile up at me and roll over, getting out of bed. I watch as you walk, in all of your naked glory, to the closet. You open it up and I see you reach up to the shelf at the top and rummage for a moment before walking back over and sitting next to me on my side of the bed. In your hand is a black velvet box. I look at it as you turn it over in your hands before looking up at you, waiting. I smile sweetly up at you as you take a deep breath.</p>
<p>"Mako-chan, I--"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>I chuckle and sit up before reaching for your hands with mine. "I love you, Ami. Of course I'll marry you."</p>
<p>You smile up at me before growing bashful and looking down at our hands. "I had this big speech prepared." You glance up. "You don't want to hear it?"</p>
<p>I smile and lean in to kiss you. "I don't need speeches. Not from you." I cup your face with one hand, my thumb caressing your cheek. "You show me every day how much you love me and what I mean to you. Speeches have broken my heart. You would never do that."</p>
<p>You smile, turning your face to kiss my palm. A shiver runs down my spine at the feel of your lips on my skin.</p>
<p>You pull your hands away and open the box, showing me the ring inside. It's a simple but beautiful ring; a rose gold band and a round diamond. I smile and primly offer my left hand.</p>
<p>You smile and take the ring from the box. With one hand you hold mine and with the other, you position the ring at my finger. Before sliding it on, you look up at me.</p>
<p>I can feel my smile soften. "I said yes, Ami. And I meant it." I wiggle my fingers. "Now give me the damn ring."</p>
<p>You laugh as you slide the ring onto my finger. </p>
<p>I stare down at it and even in the dark it still seems to twinkle. My face hurting from all the smiling, I bring my hands up to cup your face and kiss you. I can feel you smiling as you press into me, pushing me into the bed and on to my back...</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Things You Said In The Back Yard At Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was cold. <em>I</em> was cold. Which is a rare thing for me nowadays, with my senshi abilities and all. But the seasons were changing and bringing cooler weather with it.</p><p>We all were standing in the back of Rei's temple, in the yard, waiting for the miko to return with a box of matches and roasting sticks. We had helped her with the raking today and now it was time for the annual bonfire and s'more fest.</p><p>I open a package of chocolate bars while Usagi and Minako were fussing over the graham crackers and marshmallows. You're leaning against a tree, arms crossed over your chest, and watching us with a smile. I stand from my spot near the pile of leaves and walk over to you.</p><p>"You've been quiet today, Mako-chan."</p><p>You shrug before lifting an arm in invitation. I smile and settle into your side, sliding my arms around your waist, beneath your open jacket. I feel you rest your arm around my shoulders. We watch the blondes for a moment before I look up at you and ask, "Are you okay?"</p><p>You smile down at me. "I'm fine. Just feeling introspective I guess."</p><p>I prop my chin on your chest to study you. "Do you want to talk about it," I ask.</p><p>You shake your head. "Nah, it's okay. It's nothing important. Just one of those quiet days, ya know?"</p><p>I do know. I lower my head and lean it against you. Your hand squeezes my shoulder and I press into your side more.</p><p>"Found the matches," Rei exclaims as she exits the temple and heads over to us. The sun has just about finished setting and there's just enough sunlight left to cast everything in shades of orange. </p><p>Rei has, as is her custom, started yelling at Usagi about something. Honestly, I've tuned it out after all these years. I often wondered if there was something between the two of them but Usagi is far too devoted to Mamoru. And Rei to Minako, though she would deny just how much she loved the other blonde.</p><p>"You're shivering," you whisper.</p><p>It has gotten a bit colder with the sun setting. I smirk up at you. </p><p>"Wanna go home? You can warm me up."</p><p>You return my smirk with one of your own. "Minako will never let us live it down if we leave just to go home to snog." You're chuckling by the end, the first real smile I've seen on you today.</p><p>"I don't care," I reply. </p><p>You look at me for a moment before turning to the others and shouting, "We're heading home!" </p><p>I laugh as you start shoving me towards the entrance of the shrine grounds, the sounds of our friends' teasing ringing in the night air.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Things You Said Over The Phone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh, come on. It's not that bad."</p><p>"It's very bad."</p><p>I can hear you strain not to laugh. I grunt. "You're being mean."</p><p>You laugh outright. "I would never-"</p><p>"Mako-chan."</p><p>A pause. </p><p>"Okay, maybe a little mean."</p><p>You're smiling. I can't help but to smile, too.</p><p>"I just want to come home," I sigh, clutching the phone a little tighter in my hand. "It's been a stressful few months."</p><p>"I know," you reply. "But, hey, you've finally graduated! You'll be home next week!"</p><p>I sigh again and flop into my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My roommate is already gone for the semester so I have the tiny dorm room to myself. Other than my own room at home, it's the first time in seven years I've had any alone time. It's unsettling, honestly.</p><p>"I wish I had planned better. I could be home now. I could be with you."</p><p>"I'm sorry I couldn't be there." You're guilty for something that wasn't your fault. And I say as much.</p><p>"I know, but I wish I could have been there for you. You were there at my graduation."</p><p>"I know," I respond. "But I was already home from school when you graduated. Besides, none of the others were here for mine, either. It's not like you were the only one who didn't make it."</p><p>You sigh and I hear a slight growl in your voice. "<em>Someone</em> should have been there for it."</p><p>"Mother was busy."</p><p>"She's <em>always</em> busy."</p><p>I rub the bridge of my nose and sigh. "Mako-chan..." I'm really not in the mood for this argument. Not again.</p><p>"I'm sorry," you say. "I just find it so unfair to you."</p><p>"It balances out," I say. "She doesn't know about us being senshi. And it's not because she isn't around. That was a choice I made."</p><p>You grunt in response. "I still think it's unfair."</p><p>I smile a little. "It's okay. <em>I'm</em> okay. I've got the senshi. I've got <em>you</em>."</p><p>You hum happily. "One more week, right?"</p><p>"Less than," I answer with a smile.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all better be washing ya fuckin' hands.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Things You Said When You Thought I Was Asleep</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>How about a friends with benefits au? </p><p>A good song for this chapter is "K." by Cigarettes After Sex.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I slowly blink my eyes open. It's dark and late, but I'm unsure of the time. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago we were making love. Can I really call it that? Should I? We're technically not dating. <em>Technically.</em> As far as I'm concerned, it's only because we haven't put a label on what we are. By definition, we're just friends.</p><p>It seems so odd how we fell into this arrangement. We were drunk when it happened the first time, something out of character for both of us. After a long and serious talk while nursing killer hangovers, we decided to keep seeing each other. </p><p>We were both just lonely kids, I guess.</p><p>I say that like it's been years. It's only been a few months. College is a weird time for experimenting. </p><p>I sigh when I realize it: I'm in love with you. I think I always have been which is why I wasn't turned off by our friends with benefits situation. It's why I look forward to our meetings. Having you in my bed, alone in my apartment... It's like I have a family and a reason to come home. More often than not, especially lately, you've been letting yourself into my apartment, waiting for me to get home. I'll come in to find you sitting at the low table in the living room, your books and notes strewn about it while you study. You smile up at me and kiss me in greeting when I come close. Then I'll make dinner, do some studying myself and then...</p><p>I feel you shift behind me. I don't move or indicate in anyway I'm awake. I'm not sure why. </p><p>Then I feel your fingers, so light, caress my bare shoulder. Your hand is cold, always is. I often joke you were an ice cube in a previous life. You just smile at me and say nothing, knowing better than to encourage my bad jokes.</p><p>"Mako-chan?"</p><p>Your voice is so quiet. You're trying not to wake me, obviously unaware I woke up before you. I decide not to respond. Again, I'm not sure why. Part of me wants to know what you're thinking while believing you're the only one awake.</p><p>Your hand moves and I feel your cheek against my shoulder instead. Your hand moved down my arm then moved to my hip. I like your hands when they're there.</p><p>I can feel your warm breath on my skin as you breathe. But your chest is pressed against my back and with no layers between us, I feel your heartbeat and it's beating fast. Are you nervous? Why?</p><p>"Oh, Mako-chan," you say, just as softly as before. You say it in gentle reverence and I feel my body respond. You only ever say my name like that when your lips are pressed against my skin, usually somewhere near my navel. Or into my ear while my fingers--</p><p>"I love you," you whisper. Your face turns and I feel your nose and lips against my arm. "So very much. I wish I could tell you."</p><p>You sound like you're on the verge of tears and I can feel my own eyes sting. I wonder, briefly, how often you confess your feelings when you believe me to be sleeping.</p><p>I hear you swallow a sob as your hand moves over my stomach, fingers splaying outward. Your embrace is possessive and I feel a tug low in my belly. You're not one to be dominant in bed and I find the idea of you being that way such a turn on.</p><p>But I feel you shudder behind me and my heart aches. I can't just lay here quiet anymore. I feel you turn from me and I turn to follow you. Our eyes meet in the dark and you're surprised. </p><p>"You're awake," you say softly. I hear fear in your voice. You think I'm going to reject you.</p><p>I swallow the lump in my throat and reach my hand out, my palm cradling your jaw. I brush my thumb beneath your eye, catching the tear that had fallen and wiping it away. Before you can say anything else, I lean in and kiss you. You melt against me and I push you back into the mattress and settle over you. You slide your arms around my shoulders and your leg hitches over my hip. You're trying to distract me from your confession. I hate to admit it, but it's working. </p><p>But not enough.</p><p>I pull away and look down at you. You're tugging at me, trying to bring me back down for another kiss. I meet you half way and press my forehead against yours, my eyes closing.</p><p>"I love you," I whisper. I open my eyes and stare into yours. "I love you," I say again. "I think I always have but I was too afraid to admit it." I press my head against yours again. "I just want you to be happy in all of this."</p><p>Your arms tighten around me. "You make me happy."</p><p>I lower my head and nuzzle along your throat. My patience is running thin. We need to have a talk about this. About us. </p><p>My hand moves between our bodies and you arch beneath me as my hand cups between your legs. As I push my fingers inside of you, I'm content with what's been said. And, I think, you are, too. For now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Things You Said While We Were Driving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Makoto liked to sing, especially in the car. I guess that's normal for most people though. I don't like to sing in front of people. Not even in front of Mako-chan. I'm too shy for it. She has caught me singing before, though. She'd come home and I'll be on the computer and singing along to the radio. She says I have a sweet voice. I think she's biased.</p><p>I digress.</p><p>Makoto enjoys singing. Especially in the car. Especially while driving. I usually defer to her driving, even if it scares me a bit. Right now she's rocking out to some punk song, headbanging and yelling along with the words. I would scold her for the headbanging but we're currently stopped at a light.</p><p>I smile at her and she makes some kind of rage face at me, to match the lyrics she sings. I giggle, shake my head and go back to my book (it helps me from screaming in terror at her driving). I feel the car jolt and we're driving again.</p><p>The song changes but I don't really take notice of it. The only reason I do notice is because Makoto has reached over with her left hand and, starting at my temple, rakes her fingers gently back through my hair. I shiver and look up at her again. </p><p>Her eyes are on the road, her right hand on the wheel (I would complain about 10 and 2 but I love her hands in my hair) and she's smiling. She's also still singing.</p><p>This song is gentler. A sappy 90s pop song about loving someone before meeting them. As if that could ever be true. So illogical. I would have secondhand embarrassment if not for one fact: Makoto is singing it <em>to</em> me.</p><p>She isn't looking at me. She can't because she's driving. But the way her hand slides through my hair, her nails gently scratching my scalp... I can't help the way my heart flutters in my chest.</p><p>Makoto glances at me when we stop again, smiling that smile that made me fall in love with her as she continues to sing to me. Her voice is soft but I can hear her perfectly over the radio. She brushes my hair behind my ear before turning back to the road and driving again.</p><p>Makoto's hand drifts down to the back of my neck and she gently squeezes me there as the song ends. Then she moves her hand to my knee and, again, squeezes. </p><p>I duck my head and smile and turn back to my book. I'll be sure to kiss her senseless when we get home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will give a cookie to the person who can guess the song. It's not much to go on, I admit, but hopefully someone gets it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Things You Said At 1AM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I open my bleary eyes at the sound of the apartment door opening and shutting.  Rubbing my eyes, I turn over and pick up my phone to check the time, squinting at the bright screen.  You're home later than usual, by a couple of hours.</p><p>I sit the phone back on the nightstand just as you stumble into the bedroom.</p><p>"Hey,"  I say, sitting up and turning on the light on the nightstand. </p><p>Your only response is a grunt in my direction as you start removing your clothes to change into your nightgown. I can't help the small smile growing on my face.</p><p>"Bad night," I ask. You've finished changing and you're walking to the bed. I shut off the light and scoot over, my side of the bed being closer to you. You give a small smile at my offer and climb into my usual spot. I pull the blanket it up as you settle in next to me, your head on my shoulder and your hand on my belly.</p><p>"Not bad," you answer. "Just long."</p><p>I nod, running my hand along your shoulder. You're tense. "I noticed. It's past one."</p><p>You lean into me, burying your face in my night shirt. "I'm sorry I didn't call you to let you know I would be late. I didn't think it would last as long as it did but just as my shift ended, the hospital got slammed." You shake your head against me. "Leaving didn't feel right."</p><p>I smile and turn to kiss the top of your head. "You're fine, Love. Just making an observation." I squeeze your shoulder gently. "Casualties," I ask softly. I know you hate talking about the nights where you can't save everybody.</p><p>You shake your head. "Thankfully, no, but it was close, though." </p><p>I turn and wrap my other arm around your shoulders, cradling your head. You duck your face under my chin and snuggle close and I feel you take a deep breath and let it out slowly. </p><p>"What can I do for you," I ask softly.</p><p>I feel your hand at my lower back fisting my shirt. "Tell me about your day," you say softly.</p><p>So I start rambling about my day at the bakery. Not much happened honestly, but I go through the entire day and retell everything that happened. Eventually I hear your breathing even out and I glance down at you.</p><p>You've fallen asleep. </p><p>I brush your hair back gently and brush a kiss along your hairline before tucking my head atop yours. I close my eyes and, soon, I join you.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Things You Said Through Gritted Teeth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You gripped my hand painfully and it took everything inside my being not to rip my hand away. For such a petite woman, you sure have a strong grip.</p><p>"Oh, my god," you growled, your hand tightening around mine. "I am never doing this again."</p><p>Despite my pain, I laughed. "I did offer to carry our child."</p><p>You shot me a look, your blue hair plastered to your forehead with sweat. "Now is<em> not</em> the time, Mako."</p><p>You're right; antagonizing your wife while she's in labor is probably not the best idea I've had.</p><p>Another contraction seizes you and you tighten your grip on my hand again. I grimace but I don't pull away.</p><p>"Remember to breathe, Love," I say, using my other hand to wipe your face off with a towel. You look up at me and we go through your Lamaze breathing techniques. After a long moment, you breathe out slowly.</p><p>"This is so painful," you nearly cry. "Where's the fucking doctor with the epidural?"</p><p>I bite my lip to keep from laughing at your curse. "She'll be here any second, baby." I brush my free hand back through your sweat damped hair. "Just try to relax, okay?"</p><p>"Relax," you say mockingly. "<em>You</em> try and relax when you're being ripped in ha-<em>aaaaaahhhhh!</em>"</p><p>You cry out and your grip tightens again and I feel my arm trying to pull away before I realize and stop myself. "<em>Jesus, fuck</em>," I say under my breath. I realize the pain in my hand isn't even on par with what you're currently going through but that shit still hurts!</p><p>"Mrs. Kino, how are we doing," asks a doctor as he walks into the room. He smiles at us but you look ready to jump from the bed and rip his head off. </p><p>"We need medication," I answer before you can start screaming again. Labor is definitely <em>not</em> agreeing with you. But I guess that could be true for anyone in this much pain and stress.</p><p>He chuckles and looks down at the notes in his hand. "The anesthesiologist should be here soon," he says. He looks back up at us, specifically you, and asks, "How are we feeling?" He's put your file down and is reaching for gloves to put on.</p><p>You just look at him.  "Oh, peachy keen, jelly bean," you remark sarcastically. I reach my hand up and pat your shoulder.</p><p>He chuckles again and pulls a rolling stool over and sits down at the end of the bed and motions at the stirrups. "Mrs. Kino, if you would please."</p><p>You sigh and adjust yourself in the bed before lifting your legs and settling them in the raised stirrups. I help best I can with you still clutching my hand. </p><p>The doctor smiles and lifts the sheet to peek beneath them. You flush red and I gently squeeze your hand. </p><p>"Hmm, you're about three centimeters dilated," the doctor remarks after a moment. He lowers the sheet and pushes back from the bed slightly while still sitting. "I'll call the anesthesiologist and makes sure she gets up here soon." He smiles and stands, removes and throws away his gloves and picks up your chart and walks out of the room.</p><p>I hear you sigh and turn to you. "You okay?"</p><p>Your complexion has paled some and your eyes have widened. I notice your breathing is irregular and brush my hand through your hair again. "Hey, what's wrong?"</p><p>"What if I turn out like my parents," you say softly. Your eyes have glazed over and I know you're imagining situations you would never find yourself in.</p><p>"Your parents loved you, Ami," I say just as quietly. We've had this discussion before. But I guess with our current situation, it's becoming more of a reality that we are, in fact, having a baby and that same old fear is rising up in you again.</p><p>"They did," you say, licking your lips. You turn your gaze towards the pitcher of water and I leave your side to pour you a glass. I come back and hand you the cup. You take it with a small smile and take a sip. After a moment, while looking at the cup in your hands, you say, "But they weren't around. I was very lonely until I met you and the others. I don't want our daughter growing up like that. Questioning if I really love her. I'm already so busy..." You raise a hand and rub your face. It's a habit you've picked up from me.</p><p>"Ami, Love," I start, kneeling beside the bed. I gently take your hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing the back of it. "You are going to be an <em>amazing</em> mother."</p><p>"You don't know that," You reply.</p><p>"But, I do," I say. "You make time for me when I need it. You make time for everyone who needs you. Our daughter is going to grow up so loved, she won't know what to do with herself."  I reach my hand up and brush it back through your hair. "You're not your parents, Ami. You would never let our daughter think, for even a second, she's unloved or unwanted." I stand and kiss the top of your sweaty head. "Besides, I wouldn't let you even if you tried.""</p><p>You chuckle and lean into me. "Thanks, Mako-chan!"</p><p>"Okay, who is ready for an epidural," comes a cherry voice. We turn to see an elderly woman walking in with a small case, which I assume is holding the needle.</p><p>You smile gratefully. "<em>Me</em>. I am so ready."</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Things You Said At The Kitchen Table</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sighed, staring into the mirror above the bathroom sink. My whole body ached and I could see bags under my eyes. Another battle in the middle of the night. I'm only nineteen and I already feel the entirety of my millennia long lifespan weighing me down. </p><p>I sigh again and turn to leave, shutting the light off as I do so. I turn down the hall, the apartment empty and quiet, and head towards my room. As I pass by the living room, though, I hear a knock at the door. I pause and backup a step to look at it through the dark. It is two in the damn morning. Who would be knocking at my door so late (or is it early)? Slowly I make my way to the door and peek through the peephole. I feel my racing heart stutter as my anxiety calms only to rev back up once I realize that the person on the other side of the door isn't a threat.</p><p>My heart says that's debatable.</p><p>I unlock and open the door and I'm greeted by your bashful smile.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>I smile and step to the side and allow you to enter, which you do. I shut and lock the door and turn to see you waiting for me.</p><p>"Did you even make it home," I ask.</p><p>You shake your head. "No. I got about halfway to my place before I turned around and headed here."</p><p>I nod. "Are you hungry? I could make you something."</p><p>You look relieved. "Food would be great."</p><p>I nod again and start towards the kitchen. You stay back to remove your jacket and shoes before joining me. You take a seat at the small kitchenette table while I stare into a near empty fridge. There's only enough food to make <em>one</em> thing and I know you are going to scold me.</p><p>"A sandwich is fine, Ami," I hear you say. I turn to look at you over my shoulder and you're smiling, though you look as tired as I feel. "I know that's all you have in there."</p><p>I can feel myself blush. "Mother hasn't been to the store yet," I respond, taking out the deli meats and cheese. I usually add mustard to mine but I've discovered, in our five years of friendship, you don't like condiments on your sandwiches.  We had a bit of a row over it, all in good fun of course.</p><p>I finish making your sandwich and cut it in half (you like it horizontally instead of diagonally, weirdo). I grab a bag of chips from the cupboard and spill chips onto your plate before bringing the plate over to the table where you are. I turn back to the fridge and take a pitcher of water out, take a cup from another cupboard and pour you a glass of water and bring that over to you as well. You smile up at me as I sit the cup down in front of you.</p><p>"Thank you," you say before tucking in.</p><p>I smile and take a seat, watching you eat. I munch on a few chips while you make quick work of your sandwich.  </p><p>"Oi, stop stealing my crisps," you grouse around a mouthful of food.</p><p>I smile and steal another one. "No." Then, to add insult to injury, I take a sip from your glass. You narrow your eyes at me but keep eating. I simply smile.</p><p>"Why aren't you eating," you ask after swallowing your bite. </p><p>I shrug. "I honestly wasn't very hungry when I got home. I was headed to bed when you knocked."</p><p>"I'm sorry," you say. You've finished your sandwich and now munching on the few chips left on your plate.</p><p>"Don't be," I respond. I smile at you. "I'm always glad when you stop by."</p><p>"Even at two in the morning," you ask. You smile and stand, taking your dirty plate to the dish washer. You open up the washer and place the plate inside and shut it again. Then you go about cleaning up the mess I made to make your meal.</p><p>I smile, my chin propped up in my hands, watching you. "Even then," I eventually answer.</p><p>You finish wiping down the counter, dry off your hands and walk over to me. I realize my mood has lightened when you brush your fingers back through my hair. It's so nice having you around. I close my eyes and enjoy your fingers running back through my hair.</p><p>"Would you be opposed to me spending the night?"</p><p>I can feel my smile grow even as my ears burn. "I'm never opposed to that." I look up at you and you offer me your hand. I take it as I stand and together, after shutting off the kitchen light, head towards my room for sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Things You Said Sitting Still</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A little bit of a glimpse at that modern/college AU I have in mind. Gotta love the sharing a bed trope &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>It's so cold</em>."</p><p>I turn and look over at you and see you're huddled beneath your blankets and screwed up into a tight ball in the middle of your bed.</p><p>I look back at the book in my lap, twirling the pencil my left hand. "I should have warned you," I say. "The furnace went out last year, too. It just got too cold to keep up and it shut down. Nakamura-san needs to replace it but she's a bit absent minded and tends to forget after the fact."</p><p>"I have noticed." I see you peek your head out from under your blanket and look over at me. "How are you not freezing?"</p><p>I laugh and scribble down a note from my book. I'm sitting in my own bed with the blanket over my legs and my book and notepad sitting in my lap. I have a, folded, lap desk sitting beside me on my bed with my laptop open on top of it. "Hockey player, remember?" I look over at you and smile. "The cold never bothered me anyway."</p><p>You roll your eyes but I see the twinkle in them even if I can't see your obstructed smile because of your blanket. "Okay, Elsa."</p><p>I laugh and turn back to my studies. It dawns on me that it's odd you aren't studying. You must be really cold and too focused on warming up. </p><p>I hear you shuffle and turn towards you again. You've rolled over in your bed and even with the blanket I can tell you're shivering. I glance at the clock. It's not that late but I do have an early practice tomorrow morning. I glance back over at you with an idea forming. </p><p>It takes me a minute to make up my mind but I finally do. I shut my book and stack it and my notepad next to me on the nightstand. I close my laptop and tuck it and the small lap desk between the table and my bed and stand. I walk over to your side of the room.</p><p>"I have an idea," I say.</p><p>You turn and look up at me, surprised to see me by your bed. "Oh?"</p><p>I nod and grasp your blanket and quickly rip it from you. You shriek in surprise and I laugh as I head back over to my bed, your blanket in my hand.</p><p>"Mako-chan! What are you doing?"</p><p>I fling the blanket into the air and it cascades over my bed, me guiding it, resting it over my own blanket. Then I turn back to you. "It's really cold and it's only going to get colder. Come share my bed with me."</p><p>Your face turns scarlet and it takes everything in me not to laugh. "S-seriously?"</p><p>Did you stutter because you're cold or because you're embarrassed?</p><p>"Come on, Ami," I say as I get into my bed. I slide over and pat the warm spot I was just sitting in. "It's cold. It's only going to get colder. We're just two adults sharing a bed for warmth, nothing more."</p><p>You look at me from your bed for a long moment before sliding out of your bed and near running to jump into mine. I laugh and cast both blankets over us. "Mind hitting the light," I ask as I settle down.</p><p>You turn the light off and lay down, curling back up into a tight ball. You're still shivering. I try to ignore it as I close my eyes but you're practically making the entire bed shake.</p><p>"Ami."</p><p>"Y-yes, Mako-chan?"</p><p>I hesitate for a moment. Then, "Is it okay if..." I place my hand on your hip. I feel you tense up and suddenly you're shaking for another reason. I move to press up against your back, my arm around your waist. One hell of a feat, considering you're rolled into a tight ball.</p><p>"Is...Is this okay?"</p><p>You're quiet for a moment. And then I feel you relax and even uncurl from yourself even if it's just a tiny bit. "It's f-fine."</p><p>"Are you sure," I ask.</p><p>You nod and I feel you loosen up even more. I nod, too, and duck my head next to your shoulder and close my eyes. </p><p>When I wake up the next morning, I'm surprised to find you're still in my bed, your head ducked beneath my chin and our legs tangled together. It's the first time I've considered skipping practice.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Things You Said In The Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay. I've been sick the last couple of weeks. I have have high blood pressure and it culminated last week really badly. I felt bad for not updating. Hope you guys forgive me. xox</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your fingers brush back through my hair. I open my eyes and smile at you, though I'm unsure if you can see it in the dark.</p><p>"You doing okay," you ask softly.</p><p>I clutch at your shirt, trying to pull you closer. "Better now."</p><p>I hear you exhale. I see a smile.</p><p>"What can I do for you," you ask.</p><p>I shake my head. I feel my bottom lip trembling and I bite at it. I take a deep breath, eyes closing. I feel your fingers brush gently across my cheeks, wiping away my tears.</p><p>"It's okay, Ami," you say softly. "It'll be okay."</p><p>I choke and bury my face in your chest. "It<em> isn't </em>okay though, Mako-chan. I failed tonight."</p><p>I feel you kiss the top of my head. "Baby, you can't save everybody," you whisper. You sound like you're on the verge of crying yourself.</p><p>An of course you're right. Being a doctor, I knew that. Being a <em>senshi</em>, I know that. But it doesn't make it any easier.</p><p>"Ami I weak for being like this, Mako-chan," I ask softly. I'm afraid of the answer. I <em>am</em> the weakest of the group, after all. I guess I want it confirmed so I can start to process and get over it.</p><p>"No," you say fiercely. "You have a gentle heart, and in this world that can be so cruel, that's a strength. Not weakness."</p><p>I burrow my face into your chest, my arm wrapping around your back, holding you tighter. I feel your hand rub soothing circles on mine. Your palm is warm. It's comforting.</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>"Anytime, Love."</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Things You Said When We First Met</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More SilMil AU!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I followed silently behind the woman in orange. Venus, was her name? I think? I don't much care.  I do care about the other two people at my back and my skin prickles. I feel trapped. </p><p>"And this is where you'll be sleeping," Venus says with a smile. She comes to a stop in front of an ornate door (I later learned it wasn't that ornate but at the time, to me, it was). She opens it and motions with her hand to enter. I look at her before peeking my head in. </p><p>I see a four poster bed to the left, tables on either side of it with lamps. There is a window directly in front of me on the opposite wall and to the right, two more with a fire place between them. A small couch sits in front of the fireplace. There is a desk and bookshelf next to the first window. That didn't interest me; I never learned to read in the Colosseum. A dresser sat at the foot of the bed. I wondered briefly what kind of horrendous attire was in it. The women guiding me all wore gowns. I hope they didn't expect me to.</p><p>"Is it to your liking," Venus asked. I turned back to her. She was smiling up at me. I gave a shrug.</p><p>"Who will I be rooming with," I asked. It was the first thing I had said since leaving the throne room.</p><p>The women looked at each other. It was the lady in blue (Mercury?) who spoke up. "This is your room and your alone," she said softly. I turned towards her and she was the first thing to really catch my attention and hold it without me feeling threatened. She was small and petite and had a calming effect I did not expect. I rolled my shoulders and turned back to the room before entering.</p><p>I looked around for a moment before turning back to...my comrades in arms? I shrugged again. "When's dinner?"</p><p>Venus smiled. "Few hours yet."</p><p>"But we can send some food up if you're hungry," Mercury added. "If you'd like."</p><p>I looked at her then nodded. Remembering my very little used manners I said, "Thank you."</p><p>Mercury's smile was radiant.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Things You Said When I Was Crying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>MORE ANGST FANFIC :D Speaking of angst, I have a prompt list over at tumblr of song titles for angsty angst. Drop me a prompt for our favorite girls and I'll fill it! My tumblr is Songficcer.tumblr.com :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I couldn't believe it. There, across the street, was you. </p><p>How long had it been? At least 20 years. Of course, we hadn't aged a day. And we hadn't seen each other since we helped found Crystal Tokyo.</p><p>And <em>that</em> was one hundred years ago.</p><p>Without realizing what I was doing, I smiled and raised my hand to wave.</p><p>You caught sight of me out the corner of your eye, looked at me, kept walking then did a double take. You stopped dead and simply...looked at me.</p><p>I slowly lowered my hand, swallowing. I mad a mistake. I shouldn't have done that.</p><p>You looked up and down the street before quickly crossing over to me.</p><p>I could feel my heart speed up as you came to stand before me. We looked at each other for a long moment before I smiled again.</p><p>"Hi."</p><p>"Hello."</p><p>We're not yelling at each other. Good sign. Then again, we never really yelled in the first place.</p><p>I regret how we ended. I regret it so much. And my sting with the realization.</p><p>"Me, too," you say. I blink at you, not realizing I had said that out loud.</p><p>"I'm sorry," I say. My throat burns and I start chewing on my lip to keep from crying. People are passing around us but, to me, the world seems to have stopped.</p><p>You look at me. And then you're hugging me, leaning your head against my shoulder.</p><p>I can't help it, I start crying, there in the middle of the street. My arms wrap tightly around you and I hear you take a shuddering breath and realize you're crying, too.</p><p>"I've missed you," you say. "So much."</p><p>I lean my head against yours and sniffle. "Me, too," is all I can manage.</p><p>After several very long moments, we pull away. Shaking, I lift my hand and brush your tears away. "Are we...okay?"</p><p>You smile at me. "No."</p><p>My heart sinks and my eyes fall to the ground. Of course not. Not after our break up hundreds of years ago. That...was bad.</p><p>"But," you say and I look up at you, "We can be. We can work at it. And we can, maybe, be friends again."</p><p>"I would like that."</p><p>You smile at me again, wiping away at your eyes. "Me, too."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Things You Said Too Quietly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>How about something nice and soft after those last two angst prompts I did for the other drabbles, hmm?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke to the soft touch of your hand on my lower stomach and your breath in my ear. I was still half asleep, but there was a warmth spreading and my thighs clenched and I sighed. This was a good way to wake up.</p><p>That's when I noticed you were whispering...something. I can't quite make it out but I smile anyway. I can't make out the words but I know what you're trying to say: <em>I love you</em>.</p><p>I turn and capture your lips with my own. I feel you smiling against my mouth, your fingertips caressing along my jaw. I sigh again, happily.</p><p>I push against you and roll us over so you're beneath me, never breaking our kiss, and settle my hips between your thighs. You moan and arch up into me and I meet you, our hips rolling in tandem.</p><p>Yeah, this is a good way to wake up.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Things You Said That Made Me Feel Like Shit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oooooooooooooh we're half way there</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You are so worth loving.</p><p> </p><p>"But I'm afraid I can't give you that love."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear</p><p>Ok so this one was cheating a bit but I felt I couldn't add more to it and not take away from it. MORE BREAKUP AU!</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Things You Said When It Was Over</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Moooooooore Breakup AU! </p><p>I've been reworking this so it may happen as it's own full fledged story anyway lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sighed as my phone vibrated again. Laying my pencil down, I knew it would be you before I even looked at the screen. And I was right.</p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>Why indeed. Why did I leave? Why didn't you try harder? Why did we even try at all if you were so uncomfortable with the idea of being with me?</p><p>Why.</p><p>Why.</p><p>Why.</p><p>Why.</p><p>
  <em>Why aren't you answering my texts? Ami, Please.</em>
</p><p>You know why. You <em>hurt me</em>, Makoto. </p><p>...But I can't lay the blame on you, entirely. I never told Mother. <em>We</em> never told our friends. We both were hiding parts of ourselves that normally we didn't have to. And it go to be too much. </p><p>As mad as I was,<em> am</em>, at you for feeling like you've led me on, at least you were up front with the reasons. And the breakup.</p><p>And me? I did what I do best: I ran. </p><p>I almost did it once as a kid. When Mamoru and Chibiusa caught me at the airport. Part of me wishes I had gotten on the plane that night.</p><p>You buzz my phone and I sigh again. I don't look to see what you've said. I have class in the morning. Instead I shut off my light and go to bed.</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Things You Said In The Back Of The Theater</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter made me rage quit a few chapters back. I was almost done, went to bed and my computer reset and wiped everything I did. I was...so annoyed lol Anyway, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Makoto giggled in the dark, biting her lip to try and keep quiet. Ami's mouth on her ear and her hand on Makoto's thigh was making that exceeding difficult.</p><p>The couple sat in the back most row. The theater room was mostly empty and no one sat near them. Ami had become feisty for some reason that had nothing to do with Makoto's teasing before they left for their date.</p><p>"Watch the movie," Makoto hissed.</p><p>"We've already seen it," Ami whispered, her breath warm on Makoto's neck.</p><p>Makoto whimpered and quickly turned to kiss Ami deeply. Ami's hand sneaked up Makoto's thigh and cupped her at the apex of her legs and Makoto's hips bucked. Thank god she was wearing pants and not the skirt she had briefly considered.</p><p>Aw, to hell with it.</p><p>Makoto quickly grabbed Ami's wrist and pulled her hand away. Ami was about to protest when the taller woman smiled, arching her hips to unbutton her jeans. Ami smirked and quickly slid her hand into her partner's jeans, rubbing firmly and quickly under Makoto's underwear. </p><p>Makoto's mouth fell open with a silent gasp. She clutched at the seat's armrests, her hips rolling to keep pace with Ami's fingers.</p><p>Ami's pace was quick but gentle. The goal was to get Makoto to her peak as fast as possible. If Makoto's breathing was indication, she was nearly there.</p><p>Makoto turned to kiss Ami as she climaxed, Ami swallowing her moans. </p><p>Makoto came down slowly, shivering as Ami extracted her fingers. The smaller woman brought her hand to her mouth and sucked her fingers clean. Makoto moaned.</p><p>There was a cough and both women turned red. They looked at each other in the dark and then began giggling.</p><p>"Let's get out of here," Makoto said, zipping her jeans then standing.</p><p>Ami smiled. "Finally."</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Things You Said I Wouldn't Understand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: This chapter deals with depression and suicide. </p><p>I've been in a dark place the last few weeks and my physical health has suffered because of it. I'm drawing inspiration from this and this chapter in no way is making light of these very serious topics. Please, if you need help, if you feel alone, REACH OUT. </p><p>The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is: 1-800-273-8255. </p><p>You can also talk via text if that suits you more.</p><p>You are loved. I love you. And I would miss you if you were gone.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I stood in my apartment, arms crossed over my chest and looked out over the dark city line. I want to say I feel numb but that isn't true. I feel <em>something</em>, just not sure what. Not anymore.</p><p>Five days.</p><p>Thirteen hours.</p><p>Sixteen minutes.</p><p>That's how much time has passed since your funeral.</p><p>I haven't cried yet. I feel like I should have. I guess it hasn't set in yet that you're really gone.</p><p>I feel my eyes twitch thinking about it. But, still, no tears.</p><p>Your mother gave me a letter the day we buried you. It's still sitting on my coffee table. She said you wrote two: one for her and one for me. I wonder what hers said. She didn't read mine, the envelope was still sealed.</p><p>I read your words, over and over and over again. And you're right, I <em>don't</em> understand. I thought you were happy. You had issues, of course. We all do. But I never thought things with you were this bad. You never gave any indication. </p><p>And now, suddenly, you're not here anymore.</p><p>What's funny is I want to talk to you about it. You're always the first person I want to discuss something with. And I can't do that anymore.</p><p>What did I miss? Were there signs I just didn't notice? Ignored, maybe?</p><p>I realize I finally feel something and it's a pain in my hand. I blink, notice the blood stained glass beneath my fist. I've punched my patio door.</p><p>The first thing I feel in almost two weeks and it's anger because of course it is. I've always had an anger problem. Something only you could soothe. And now...</p><p>And now you're not fucking here.</p><p><em>WHY?</em>  What the fuck happened that made you decide to leave?</p><p>...</p><p>I miss you. So much. </p><p>And I'm sorry that I still don't understand.</p>
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